Light in My Mouth

This morning, as I meditated,

I had this sensation: light was resting on my tongue like a glowing lozenge.

I opened my mouth and chanted

gate gate para gate para sam gate bodhi svaha

(gone gone gone beyond utterly beyond)

The words lifted off my tongue

and as they did they pulled

light from

my

heart.

I love the way

occasionally

I

can

see

light

fill

me

up.

Starting the day this way

is

just

wonderful

oh and

also

I

drank

a

cup

of

coffee.

*gate gate is the mantra at the end of the heart sutra:

Journey into a rose

The petals

have those

tender lips

curving, curling

like

a baby’s ear

begging, begging

come here, come here.

Look

Inside, the

layers of flower flesh

circle

around and around

deeper deeper

dizzying

to a point

that disappears.

The rose

is something

like

a book,

the petals

are

pages
that

draw

you

into

another

realm.

And then, an

added bonus,

there is that

heavenly smell

that defies

telling,

a living perfume.

Pretend

All deep water.  All around me.

Me paddling.  Me scrambling

Me bubbling

Panicked and…

OOOHHHH

wowowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

help MEEEEEE…

Please PLEASE!

I can

Hardly

I am slipping I am

knockingkickingthrashing grabbing

PLEASE!!

at sticks and rocks anything sticking out

over the dark water.

Thank you.

For pulling me up

Here.

On this shore.

Thank you

For the blanket.

Yes, right there, over my

Shoulders

Yes.  I am terribly

Yes, are they purple?

They feel

So cold.

Hold my hand?

Yes, please.

For just a moment.

And breathe.

With me.

What?

What did I see?

Below?

A beautiful green.

I think I saw

a jellyfish.

A turtle.

I can’t tell you for sure.  I don’t know.

Everything was so... frantic.  Fuzzy.

It is something like a dream I have,

Say, for example, I am walking

Where?

I don’t know where, but suddenly

There is an army of crickets in the grass.

Giant crickets.

Thick green

Such tall grass

I can hardly see the orange sun.

As soon as I start to tell you the dream

It seems so inane.

Why would I tell you?

Why would I take the time

Even to write it

Down .

When I am sitting

Here shaking

Clear drops

Dripping off of my cold naked

Body.

Having almost drowned,

I could

Yes, I could use a cup of warm tea.

And another blanket,

Yes.  I would love another blanket.

If you have one.

There, yes, around my legs,

Nice.

Thank you.

And

Please. One other thing:

Don’t leave me.

Just yet.

Just let me rest here,

Until I am ready

To continue.