One morning, a Thursday, I slept a little later than usual. As I awoke, I heard a knock on the door. After a minute or so, I heard Mama open the door. There was a brief but muffled exchange and then the door closed again.
"Good morning Fi," Mama said. "I hope you slept well."
"I did Mama," I answered, smiling at my mother. I felt good that going forward I would no longer have anything to hide from her.
"I'm so sorry to interrupt your prayers."
"Oh no, that's OK," I said, making a quick sign of the cross. I rose and turned to face her.
"I don't know why, but Father Crudele is asking to see you at the sanctuary right away."
My eyes opened wider. "Oh," I said, feeling sweat gather at the edge of my scalp and across my back. What could he possibly want with me? Did I dare tell Mama about the encounter with Crudele when I was in the company of Giovanni? "Maybe he wants me to do some cleaning in the church."
Mama eyed me. "Maybe. But the messenger he sent said he wanted to see you within the hour. Somehow I don't think he would be in such a rush if he was simply asking for housecleaning."
I nodded, all the while thinking, "Dear God, I am innocent of any wrongdoing. Please keep me from sinning!" A wave of anger passed over me at the very same time. I always sought out the beloved pink and blue sanctuary when I was troubled or wanted inspiration for my writing. But now that space had taken on a certain danger. Where could I go to be alone to pray and think?
"Fi, I am happy to go with you," Mama said. "You shouldn't have to see the priest on your own."
"Oh, well, that's not necessary," I said, shrugging. "Really, Mama, I'm old enough to go alone." I smiled at my mother again, and took one of her hands and squeezed it gently. "But I should get dressed, seeing as how he wants to see me in a hurry."
Mama left the room, and I stood beside my bed, trying to calm my beating heart. I inhaled deeply. And then I held my breath briefly, and let it out slowly. I took off my nightgown and dressed in one of my housedresses that I refer to as my sacks, "i miei sacchi," as they have no shape at all.
I left the house without having breakfast or even a coffee. "Save me something," I told Mama. And then to myself, I said, "And please save me!! -- E per favore salvami!" As I walked quickly over the cobblestones toward the sanctuary I started to feel more courageous. And sure of myself. After all, I had always behaved like the perfect young lady, and I had no reason to think that the priest could find fault with that.
At the sanctuary, I wandered up the aisle and then through the door that led to the rectory.
No one answered the door when I knocked. I waited a couple of minutes and knocked again. And then I tried the handle. It was locked. Feeling satisfied that I had done what I could to see the priest, I turned and went back into the sanctuary.
Why is this happening to me? I thought. What have I done to deserve this temptation? And why didn't I take Mama's offer to come with me? Am I, down deep, hoping to fall in love with this man? I shuddered at the thought of him touching the skin of my back, my neck, my arms.
"Ah Filomena!" The priest called out my name in the same loud manner that he might have in the town square, "la piazza cittadina." My cheeks flushed warm and my body was now swarming with sweat. I inhaled again, and was determined not to let my black nerves -- nervi nidi -- show.
We were now standing about half-way up the aisle. Father Crudele was laughing at something that Giovanni had said. "Are they talking about me?" I wondered, and this thought too played on my black nerves. I raised my head high, the way Mama had taught me.
"Father, you wanted to see me?" I could hear the flutter in my voice. But what mattered is that I stayed strong. And that I would stand up for myself.
"Oh yes, yes, my dear Filomena, will you please accompany me and Signor Masiero to my office?"
Giovanni spoke. “It is wonderful to see you again, Filomena!”
I smiled at him but I didn’t speak.
I turned and walked behind Giovanni and the priest into the rectory. I was completely undone by the smell of Giovanni's cologne. The odor was lemony and sweet like some flower I couldn't identify. No one in Paola wore such aromatic cologne!
In the priest's office, Father Crudele sat down and offered Giovanni the chair across from him, leaving me to stand there, like a servant.
Father looked up at me. "My dear Filo, this fine gentleman has come to Paola for a holiday, and he asked me if I might help him find una domestica, a maid to help with housekeeping. I thought of you right away, and when I mentioned your name to Giovanni, he was enthusiastic."
Giovanni smiled at me, and spoke before I had a chance. "Yes, I am enthusiastic, Father, as this lovely girl seems very intelligent and she also shares my love of writing."
I stood there, trying to think fast. On the surface, the priest's suggestion didn't sound terribly dangerous to me. But then, who is this man, Giovanni? And why is he so "enthusiastic" about me? And what will Mama think of all this? And also, how can I dare say no to the priest? No one ever challenges him!
"What? Speak up Filomena," the priest commanded, "and for heaven's sake, pick up your head!"
I didn't like the priest's tone, but I complied. I looked up, but still I averted my eyes away from the priest's. "I said perhaps I could be his...domestica." Here I hesitated. "That is, if Mama agrees." Ah, I thought, proudly, I have left myself an out.
"Oh for heaven's sake, my dear Filomena, don't tell me that at your age you have to ask your Mama for permission -- autorizzazione -- to take a job? Do you need her permission to breathe as well?!" He laughed out loud, one short denigrating laugh and raised both of his hands; he turned to face Giovanni as if he were fed up with me. Giovanni, I noticed, wasn't laughing, and I appreciated that! But even though the priest was looking at Giovanni, his words were still directed right at me. "I know for a fact that you and your mother can use the money, Filomena. And so, aren't you old enough to make up your own mind?"
And now, Giovanni came to my defense. "Father, I'm afraid I may have frightened Filomena a bit the first time we met. I regret that now." He turned to face me. "Filomena, I want you to know that there will be plenty of other servants in the house so you will be chaperoned. Isn't that correct, Father?" "Oh yes, of course." I didn't trust myself to say to the priest what was on my mind, so I simply smiled at him. And then I said, "Thank you for making it clear that I would be chaperoned. And Father, of course I am grateful that you thought of me, because yes, we do need the money."
"Well, then, it's settled." Father turned to Giovanni. "When would you like her to begin?
Giovanni cleared his throat, and then he turned to me. "I could use your help later today," he said. He looked at his watch. "Perhaps about three o'clock? A small group of people are coming for dinner." He smiled at me, and I felt warm shivers down to my toes.
"Okay, then, goodbye until then," I said, my heart starting to hammer again. I turned to leave.
"Ah but don't you need directions?" He laughed a very soft laugh. His eyes were dancing mischievously.
"Oh yes of course," I said, feeling stupid.
"So the house is in San Lucido, so we will need to go by carriage. I will be in the square at three o'clock with the carriage."
It didn't take me long to get back home, but I walked very very slowly, because I desperately needed time to concoct a story for Mama. How could I explain the predicament I now found myself in? I knew it was time to get Nunzi involved, and so I headed in that direction.
*********
When I got to Nunzi's, my friend was hanging T shirts and underwear that at one point had been white, but were now grey, on a short clothesline. Her son, Vincenzo, who is three, was handing her the clothespins. Nunzi, who had a few clothespins in her mouth, has two older sons, one named Claudio, and the other named Georgio, who is eleven and old enough to help his father in the olive orchards.
"Hello my dear Nunzi," I began, and as soon as Nunzi caught the look on my face, she stopped, and removed the clothespins from between her lips. "And why are you here so early, my friend? And why do you look like such a frightened kitten?"
"Oh, well, I was thinking about you, so I decided to pay you a visit."
Nunzi clipped a pair of socks onto the clothes line. "How is it I can always tell when false words are falling from your lips, eh Filo?"
"Oh Nunzi, you are impossible. But that's why I love you."
"It's him again, isn't it? The man on the beach?"
She smiled. "I had a feeling this man was not going to disappear!" I raised the back of my hand to my forehead. "Oh Nunzi, I was just at the church, where Father Crudele asked me to work as a maid for the man on the beach!" "You're kidding!" "No, I am not kidding. The man's name is Giovanni, and he was sitting there with the priest, and he kept smiling at me. And before you tell me why I should say no to this job as a maid, I will tell you that I have already said yes!" I dropped onto a large rock wall next to Nunzi's house. "So please don't lecture me because I just got a lecture from the priest." "I promise I won't lecture you. But tell me, what did the priest say?" "When I hesitated about taking the job, he made a big stink about how I can't think for myself. 'Do you need your mother's permission to breathe too?'" "Oh forget that old fool!" She sat down beside me on the rock. I looked up and let the exquisite sunshine glow on my face.
"Tell me dear Filo, what does this Giovanni expect of you?" I took in a big breath. "Oh it's very straight forward. Giovanni is looking for a maid and the priest thought of me." I shrugged. "It's only while Giovanni is here on holiday. I could hardly say no. Oh, and they made a big point of saying that there are other servants working there, so I will be chaperoned."
Nunzi put her arm around my shoulders. "Well, it sounds rather exciting Fi. To be working for someone who is so handsome, and obviously so wealthy too. But of course I do worry about you. I don't need to tell you why."
"No, you don't." I sighed. "Oh Nunzi, I am excited but also, I'm confused too. I wonder why would this man choose me?" Nunzi threw her head back and laughed. "Because you are a beautiful young woman, Filomena. I've been telling you this for years." I stared at Nunzi, but was thinking about Giovanni. Was I beautiful in his eyes? I have never really felt like a beautiful woman. "You know what Nunzi? This man told the priest that I was very 'intelligent.' That's the word he used. And he said he likes the fact that I am a writer because he is a writer too."
"Oh, my dear Filomena, I'm so glad for you, but I am also scared for you. I don't want you to get hurt, my sweet friend." "
I stared at Nunzi, weighing how to say what was next.
"So, there's one more thing."
"Giovanni's house is in San Lucido so we need to take a horse and carriage there...and he asked me to come this afternoon, at three, as he is having a few guests for dinner."
"This afternoon? But you haven't even told your Mama yet have you?"
I sighed, and slowly shook my head no. "But Nunzi what choice do I have? You know that foolish priest. He humiliated me into agreeing. He made fun of me for being hesitant! And you know how he is: there is no refusing "il Papa di Paola," the Pope of Paola!
Nunzi inhaled. And shook her head. "That priest will be the death of us women yet. Look, what are you going to tell your Mama? I mean, what do you know about this man?"
"Well, as I said, he is a poet. And he seems very kind. So I am going to tell Mama the truth, well, at least part of the truth. I will say that the priest asked me to do some housecleaning."
"And when she asks where?"
Filo inhaled. "For the time being, I will say that I'm working for a visitor in Paola. But that's where I need help from you."
"Oh?"
"I need to be able to tell Mama that I am having dinner here with you after I finish my work, because I will arrive home later tonight."
Nunzi moved Vincenzo off her lap. "Okay, Fi. But I am not happy keeping things from your mother. I think, once you are settled there working, you need to tell her what's going on."
I stared at Nunzi. "Yes," I said. And to myself, I said, "I hope and pray that time comes soon."
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