Grandchildren, Meet Your Great Great Great Great Grandmother!

6 November 2023

My dear Ro and Dani and Monte, I am sitting here on a cloudy November morning at the age of 70, trying to think clearly about what it is I want to say to you and why. You three children mean everything to me. You are my beloved grandchildren, "i miei amati nipoti!" I am your Gma! "Sono tua nonna!"

It's hard for me to push my mind forward several decades into the future when you three -- today you are ages nine, four and almost one -- will be all grown up. But this is what I want to do, because someday, after I am long gone, you may become curious about your ancestors. If you do, well, then, I think it's important for you to know about one ancestor in particular. Her name was Filomena Scrivano, and she is, are you ready?

your great great great great grandmother! She was born about 170 years ago, in a small seaside town in southern Italy, a town by the name of Paola. (I fully realize that by the time you read this, maybe three or four or five decades from now, it will be well more than 200 years after her birth!)

Filomena's story is heartbreaking.

I will explain why in a moment. But first, maybe you are wondering why I have decided to tell you this story now?

Something happened to Gma this past year, when I turned 70. Suddenly, my mind started skirting back and forth in time. When you get to be my age, you realize just how quickly time passes! To a child, and even a young adult, 100 years seems like forever and people who lived "back then" are part of ancient history that doesn't seem to matter very much. But just wait! When you get to be 70, I'm telling you, 100 years doesn't seem like such a terribly long chunk of time at all -- maybe because you are a lot closer to 100!

Filomena was born in 1852. And I was born in 1952!

So maybe that explains why I suddenly became deeply interested in my great great grandmother, and her son, my great grandfather, Pasquale Orzo. He was born to Filomena in 1870, when Fi (my nickname for her) was about 18.

Pasquale died at the age of 70 in 1940, only 12 years before I was born. All this made me stop and think. A lot. About him. And about his mother too.

And so why is Filomena's story so sad?

Because after giving birth to her beloved son, poor Filomena was forbidden to raise him. Perhaps you already have children (I hope you do!) Knowing how fiercely you love these children, can you imagine how excruciating it must have been for poor Filomena to have to give her brand new baby up to a stranger?

Why was it that Filomena had to do such a difficult thing?

You may think it is quite silly or strange, and hard to comprehend, but Filomena's baby was taken away from her because she wasn't married to the baby's father!

I KNOW. I can hear you saying, so what's the big deal? Why should that matter at all?

It mattered because in 1870, in Italy, a strict Catholic country, to be unmarried and pregnant was a great scandal!

I know, I know. Even in my day, that idea sounds preposterous. Single mothers are everywhere in 2023, as are single fathers.

But in those days, it was considered sinful and deeply shameful for a single woman to get pregnant. Of course, that doesn't mean babies weren't born "out of wedlock" anyway. Women got pregnant in spite of the rules. Even though it was forbidden, it still happened quite often.

And so, thousands and thousands of infants were taken away from their unmarried mothers throughout Italy, as well as in other Catholic countries in Europe like Spain and France.

, Where did these so-called "abandoned" babies go?

In Italy, the infants often landed in orphanages, known as "ospizios." These ospizios were dirty and decrepit, and diseases were rampant. Wet nurses, hired to feed one baby after another, ended up transmitting illnesses from one infant to the next.

Tragically, in most cases, these abandoned babies died before their first birthday! One researcher, at Brown University, found that in my great grandfather's area of Italy, more than 90 percent of the "illegitimate" babies born in 1870 perished!

Can you imagine? What a terrible tragedy! And so unnecessary!

So now maybe you're wondering this: how did my great grandfather Pasquale manage to survive? If he didn't go to the orphanage, where did he go? Who raised him?

And how is it that his mother, Filomena, managed to keep in touch with him well into his adulthood?

We know that she stayed in contact with her son because of a single photograph of Filomena that has survived from this time! (Imagine having only one photograph!!!!) Yes, well, we are lucky to have this one! Here it is:

On the back of this photo, in a flourishing handwriting, Filomena dedicated the photo "al mio caro figlio," to my dear son, Pasquale. The photo is dated 23 Octobre 1919. Quite coincidentally, it was almost exactly 104 years later, to the day, on October 21, 2023, that your Gma and Gpa traveled to Italy to the little town of Paola to see for ourselves what it was like. AND to see if we could find out more information about Filomena and her son.

The day we were there, only two weeks ago, it was warm but rainy. Heavy downpours fell off and on all day. Holding our umbrellas overhead, we walked through the village with a delightful young man named Antonello, who grew up in Amantea, a town a few kilometers away. We hired him to give us a tour of Paola, and to do that, he took us back in history hundreds and hundreds of years.

He described to us at length the history of the town's patron saint, San Francesco di Paola, who was born in March of 1416. At a young age, Francesco Martollila, described as most humble, decided to become a hermit, secluding himself in the caves on the rocky wooded hillside above the town. He did this to come closer to God! The caves sit beside a river that to this day tumbles down the lush valley.

In time, Francesco built a chapel and a hermitage. He became a healer, and he was credited with working many miracles. The Church conferred sainthood on Francesco in 1516.

We visited the Sanctuary dedicated to San Francesco, which was only minutes away from the bed and breakfast where we stayed. We saw the original church, as well as a large modern church that can accomodate a thousand visitors or more. Many people make a pilgrimage to the Sanctuary in Paola in the early days of May each year, to commemorate the date when sainthood was conferred on Francesco.

Antonello also took us into the center of Paola, where there are two churches that sit quite close to each other.

As we strolled through the streets of Paola, I tried to picture Filomena's house.

After lunch, we drove a few kilometers south to the beautiful town of San Lucido. There, in a lovely little church

on a cliff overlooking the crashing waves, my great grandfather married Caterina Amendola, my great grandmother in January of 1898 (Gma and Gpa married 80 years later, in 1978!) Standing in the church in the very spot they exchanged their vows was such a thrill! And I will never forget what happened when we emerged from the church late in the day. The sun had already disappeared into the Mediterranean. But somehow, there was bright pink and yellow light glowing over the church. The light shined on and on!

Perhaps some day you will visit this church, San Giovanni Battista.

Sometime during the day, Antonello shared his background. He worked as a reporter for local newspapers before he became a certified tour guide. He also has a deep interest in geneology, and so he has begun researching family histories for others, like me, who are interested in knowing more about our ancestry.

The more we talked, the more it made sense to me to hire Antonello to search through official birth, death and marriage records in Paola, and perhaps surrounding towns, to see if he can come up with more information about Filomena and her son. As of today, November 6, 2023, Antonello has officially begun our ancestry research!

One other thing: several months ago, Gma began writing a novel about Filomena. In this book, I have imagined the way Filomena may have fallen in love with the man who would become Pasquale's father. I'd rather not tell you any more about it. Instead. If you're interested, you can read the e-book. Here.