It actually started four years ago, when I began writing in Italian in earnest.
In 1999, for my parents’ 50th Golden wedding anniversary, I decided I would create a scrapbook with as many of my mother’s and my grandparents’ Italian sayings as I could recall. I printed them out on gold paper, and set them all on delicate green tissue paper.
After my Mom died very suddenly in October of 2015, and my Dad moved into assisted living, I inherited the book. I had packed it away but as I began "writing" in Italian in 2020, I decided one morning to go into the basement to find the scrapbook.
I carried it upstairs and sat down on the sofa with Poco resting beside me. I opened the book and smiled as I read and recalled my mother speaking these sayings. My mother was an angel, beloved by everyone who met her. She could be hysterically funny, too, especially when she was speaking Italian. And especially when she was imparting wisdom via these homegrown sayings. Some of them are really funny, and others simply offer great wisdom.
“Chi te polvere spara, chi no, sente la botta.”
“La belleza fin alla porta. La bonda fin alla morte.”
“Good looks as far as the door. Goodness as far as the grave.”
As I read, I started to feel an overwhelming affection for my mother
What's interesting is that I was feeling more loving towards them, even though I was, at the same time, getting in touch with all the anger and resentment I felt because growing up, I had no fun,
I know, it sounds a bit contradictory, what I was feeling. But that's exactly how emotions are: complex. A bit like the weather. Sometimes it's sunny, with grey blue clouds hovering in the distance. Sometimes it's overcast, but with the sun emerging on the horizon for a magnificent sunset. Sometimes it rains or snows with the sun shining!
Mary was forever encouraging me to let myself "feel all of my feelings," and also, to accept all of them without judgement.
A key to happiness, she assured me, was getting in touch with feelings. Also, she stressed the importance of focusing on gratitude for all of my blessings. And, perhaps the most important of her lessons:
Love yourself unconditionally! Love yourself simply because you are YOU! In other words, she said, you don't have to achieve a single thing in order to love yourself. You don't have to be famous or rich or beautiful (by society's standards) or successful. All you need to do is to let the warm glow of love fill you up.
And when it does, it inevitably spills over, so that you find yourself loving others!
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One morning in March of 2020, I carried the scrapbook into my study and started journaling.
“Mom and Dad, I know you are listening to me as I learn to speak new words every day.”
“Mamma e Papá so che mi stavi ascoltando mentre imparo a pronunciare nuove parole ogni giorno.”
All of a sudden, as I was writing this sentence in the journal, a wild rain started to fall. It came out of nowhere! My husband walked into my study and said, “My God, it’s like we’ve been caught in a carwash.”
“I know,” I said gazing out the window. "So strange!"
Suddenly it occurred to me: could this be a sign? Were Mom and Dad reaching out to me?
“Mom and Dad, I love you so much and I think you are here with me!”
“Mamma e Papá, ti amo cosí tanto e penso che tu fossi qui con me!”
I decided to write a blogpost about what had happened that morning.
I titled it "Italian is Alive Inside Me."
After I finished writing, I inserted a photo of me and my folks into the post,
When I went to print out the post, I was surprised! Nothing at all printed out, nothing at all except the photo of me and my parents!
It may sound crazy. My husband certainly thought it was crazy. But that too made me wonder: could this be another sign that my parents were trying to reach out to me?
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