WHEN DID LIFE GET SO HARD RICHARD?

In the dark my father lies in his recliner chair ALL DAY ALL NIGHT

FRIGHTENED ANGRY SAD.

He lies there and he lies there

and he stares and stares and moans AND GROANS

“HOW DO I END MY LIFE?”

My sister sends the text message to me:

“…last night Dad was up between 4:00 and 5:00 a.m. and he kept saying:

‘oh I want this to end, how do I end my life?’”

DEAR GOD I BEG YOU FOR HELP AS WE, DAD AND HIS LOVED ONES, ARE TRYING TO ENDURE THIS MISERY OF HIS.

HOW CAN I PROTECT MYSELF FROM THE ENERGY THAT FUELS
MY DAD AS HE IS DENYING DECRYING FULMINATING AGAINST LIFE?

ART ART ART I AM SO GRATEFUL for

ART SAVES ME EVERY DAY

Poetry painting music photography

And flower gardens and dogs and babies and sweet birds chirping too.

Mary says I can tell him this:

“Dad I AM GOING TO LIVE FOR YOU AND FOR ME!”

And so I feel it, the life force, I feel it

in my chest rising with my breath, in my arms tingling, energy sliding up and down.

I OFFER UP MY POETRY ON

THIS ALTAR OF GR-ART-ITUDE

I AM SO SO GRATEFUL FOR

POETRY AS IT HELPS ME FEEL ALIVE ALIVE ALIVE!

Writing  a poem 

HELPS ME ERASE

THE SOUND OF HIS DEADLY WORDS.

INSTEAD, I WRAP MYSELF AROUND AND AROUND

In the sound of my own words of gratitude,

Thanking God for the blue sky and clean air and sunshine and every bit of nature --

right there outside my window is a chipmunk flittering across the same white limestone rocks where yesterday I saw a woodchuck. A few minutes later, a deer dances across the thick green meadow.

ART HELPS FILL YOUR HEAD WITH BEAUTY MAKES YOU FEEL

the miracles all around.

DAD, once upon a time, did art when he built things out of wood, for  years he could magically produce 

wonderful furniture and toys and knickknacks he designed.

He even built the first house I grew up in.

And then three or four years ago when he couldn’t see well enough to cut wood anymore

He made dozens of clever things out of layers of cardboard, glued tightly together.

WHEN EXACTLY DID LIFE GET SO HARRRRRD FOR YOU RICHARD?

I humbly pray that there may be a miracle for him, and for us all,

that Dad may find peace as he ends his days.

If I could, I would show you Dad that there is a divine majesty and mystery

in this moment and this one and now this one and that and that.

STAY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT, BE GRATEFUL FOR ALL YOUR BLESSINGS

LET ALL YOUR SENSES STAY TUNED TO LIFE.

Focus on your breath and your heart beating, realize the magical and miraculous and extraordinary in ordinary everyday life.

It’s time now, Dad, I’m about to go do my exercises and go for a walk, I will carry you with me today, I will hold you in my heart while I sit here and stand there and lie there and be here, praying all day!

July 18, 2019, one week exactly before my dad turns 93 years old on July 25^th.