Soon enough, we walked down the beach to our rocks, holding onto one another. We settled in the sand just like we used to. G couldn't really embrace me with one arm, so I leaned into his chest and he rested his chin on my head.
It was enough just to sit there in silence, the waves crashing over and over again.
He kissed the top of my head and then buried his face in my hair. Finally, he spoke.
"Oh yes, I wondered, because it seemed like forever. And I worried, too. I worried so much! When you weren't here after six weeks, as you told Tullio you would be, then I thought, 'he's never coming back.' And when you weren't here for so many weeks after that, I was absolutely certain that you had capsized and drowned!"
"I'm so sorry Fi, I truly am. So to start with, we sailed a lot slower than I thought we would, and then we ran into a boatload of trouble, as they say, after we got to Naples."
It started, he said, when he and his sailing partner decided to live it up the first night after arriving in the port.
"We went to a wonderful restaurant. After weeks and weeks on the sea, we were both ready to do some serious eating, and celebrating too. Over a five-course dinner, we managed to finish three bottles of Piedirosso, a wine from Naples that I've always adored!"
By now I was sitting apart from him. He was lying in the sand with his head propped in his hand, close enough to me so that I could touch his face.
"We got back to the boat about four a.m., and the next morning I was having a bit of trouble standing. It's embarrassing to admit this, because I've been sailing all my life, but shortly after we set sail, I lost my balance and tumbled forward on the stern. The boom swung around and slammed into me and I ended up with a shattered elbow."
They ended up staying in Naples for almost a month, as they had to find someone else who could help sail the boat, since Giovanni was next to helpless in his sling.
"Oh yes, I understand. And so you did find someone?"
"Yes, yes, finally. A nice fellow named Lorenzo, very congenial, and he just happens to be a writer too! So, there we were, just about to set sail, and the first big storm of the autumn season hit. Huge gales of wind and driving rain. We were tied up in port for another week. And then..."
He sat up. "There was a problem with the boat's rudder. We couldn't go anywhere without getting it fixed. Finding someone to do it, and then waiting for it to be repaired, took more than three weeks!"
"That would have been enough. But believe it or not, at that moment, Lorenzo got very sick with some kind of virus. He was laid up in bed for eight straight days. Finally, finally, finally, he was better and we were able to get underway. On a Sunday morning with a crisp blue sky. It was just amazing that day. We were all so delighted to be able to push out of there!"
"I suppose you could say that the port of Naples had it in for you!"
"Yes, yes, Fi, I swear it felt that way, exactly. I was so very tired of Naples by the time we left. And the whole time, I'm telling you, Fi, I was just dying to get back here, to see you. I've missed you more than you can possibly know!" I smiled and he picked up my hand and brought it to his face. Then he placed his lips on my hand and let them linger there. I wanted to reach over with both hands and set them into his incredibly bushy hair. I laughed out loud. "G, I must ask you, did you have even one haircut while you were gone?"
He laughed with me. "Yes, Fi, I most certainly did, I had a haircut before I left Tuscany. Otherwise my hair would be down to my waist. So when it gets this long I tie it up in a ponytail, but that's impossible to do with one hand!" And now I did what I had been dying to do, I set all my fingers deep into his golden curls. He shook his head to one side and then another. His hair was as soft as pillow feathers. "OK, now please tell me, Fi, what has been happening here with you while I sailed the seas?"
I inhaled. I was about to say, "Oh nothing at all," but then I changed my mind. "Life has been kind of slow here, as it always is, but I managed to enjoy myself. And I've kept up my writing, I'm very proud to say!"
"Oh Filomena, that's just wonderful. I will look forward to you reading some of it to me, I mean, would you be willing to share what you've written?"
I smiled. "Yes, yes, of course," and then I thought about all the lovelorn poems I had written. "Well, I'll share some of it. Some of it..." I stopped and bent forward and kissed him full on the lips..."I must keep some of it to myself!"
The sun was a glowing orange sphere squashing into the horizon when we stood up and started walking back toward town. It was getting cold, and I had no jacket. I was terribly hungry, too, but I didn't want to say goodbye to Giovanni just yet. I think he was able to read my mind.
"Can I take you someplace for dinner?" he asked, gently running his fingers up and down my backbone. I shivered with pleasure. As much as I wanted to say yes to him, I knew the answer had to be no. I was sure by now Mama was frantic, wanting to know where I was! I had been gone most of the day.
"I'm sorry, Giovanni, but I just can't. I have to go home," I said, and the minute the words were out of my mouth, it hit me: Giovanni was back in Paola, and so, as he promised, he should really be coming to my house to propose to me officially. Why wasn't he? Maybe the same thoughts were running through his head too. He studied the ground for a few minutes.
"Will you come to see me tomorrow in San Lucido, Fi, in the new house? Oh please say you will! We could do some writing together?!"
I looked at him, at the excitement lighting up his eyes. I realize once again that as much as I want to say yes, I just cannot. I studied my feet, and then gazed up at him. I spoke in a soft voice. "I'm so sorry, Giovanni, but I don't think I will be able to do that." My heart was starting to hammer inside me.
He searched my face. "But you still care for me don't you Fi?"
Inhaling slowly, he began speaking with his eyes closed. "Believe me, Filomena, when I left, I was completely certain that I would be free and clear to marry you when I got back."
He stopped.
"So?" I said in a whisper, shrugging. "Why... can't you?"
"I'm embarrassed, Fi, I am profoundly embarrassed, but my father has interfered in my life once again. He is a stubborn old man, a hateful man really." He lifted his clenched fist to his chin and then up to his forehead. "I am sorry that I cannot explain why, but please Fi, please please please believe me that he is really responsible."
"Well, Giovanni, it isn't hard to understand your father's feelings. He is a very wealthy man, an aristocrat, and he doesn't want his son to marry a peasant. This is an old story, as Mama says. It's as simple as..."
"No! No, NNNNOO, Fi, it's not that. I know that's what it sounds like, but it's...oh it's more complicated. And someday soon, I hope I can explain it to you in a way that you will understand. And you will then see why I blame him because he really is at fault."
Tears are gathering in my eyes. I realize now that my dream of becoming Giovanni's wife is just that, a dream that will not come true. "So just say it, Giovanni, you cannot marry me, just say it!"
"NO! NO! NO! I swear to you Fi, I want to marry you more than anything in the world, you must believe me!" He grabbed me with his good arm and pressed me tightly to his chest. I rested there a moment, but then I realized, I really had to go. I pulled away.
"I have to get home," I said, feeling sad that I couldn't stay. And feeling much sadder that Giovanni had such bad news to deliver. How could I possibly see him after this? Mama would never permit it! "It would help to know why..." I had half the sentence out of my mouth when I realized that it might not help at all to know what it was that prevented Giovanni from proposing to me.
"When will I see you Fi?"
"Maybe you can come to work at the new house? You could be Giuseppi's assistant chef again, because he has come back to work for me, preparing meals, so you could help him just as you used to."
"Perhaps." I can just imagine what Mama will say when I tell her I am going to work for Giovanni again.
"Please talk to your mother. Please explain to her that my father is being ridiculous. Impossible. Tell her that I still think I will prevail. Because Fi I really do think I will!"
Standing there, I just stared up at Giovanni. His face was so deeply tanned, and his curly hair was streaked light blonde after weeks in the sun. His hair at this hour, with the sunlight behind him, was like an angelic cloud, one that was so long and bushy it almost rested on his shoulders.
Suddenly I found myself looking at him in a new light. I asked myself, 'who is this man I have fallen in love with? What business do I have loving this free-spirited poet, who doesn't need to work, ever, a day in his life?'
For the first time, I realized that I have been very foolish to think I would ever be his wife!
And yet, I knew full well that I am completely crazy about him. Some things, like love, just can't be explained rationally.
"Will you talk to her? For me?"
"Of course I will talk to her!" I stepped up to my tiptoes and I kissed him on the cheek.
"And will you meet me, tomorrow?"
"Well maybe not tomorrow. Tuesday. No, Wednesday. I will meet you on Wednesday. On the steps of the church. Later in the day, say at 5 p.m. Now I must go! Ciao!"
"Wait wait! Before you go, here, take this."
He reached into his back pocket and brought out a folded piece of paper. Fine paper. Linen. He set it into my hand.
"I wrote this poem for you. Don't read it now. Take it home. And as you read, remind yourself that I mean every single word of it. I swear to you!"
He held onto my hand until I finally had to pry it from his grip. "Thank you Giovanni, but I must go, it's getting dark! I will see you on Wednesday, I promise!"
I left him standing there. After a few steps, I turned to look back, and he was watching me. He raised his hand to his lips and threw me a kiss as I hurried away.
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