Sunday, January 29, 2012
The Journey We Take Together -- Part Eleven
NOTE TO READERS: Those who have been following Sandy Prisant's on-going series, "The Journey We Take Alone," and his wife Susan's series, "The Journey We Take Together," know that Sandy has been struggling for many months with a life-threatening kidney ailment. He is now awaiting a heart and kidney transplant. Words really can't capture the enormity of the pain and suffering he has endured in the last few months. But his wife, Susan, who is an extraordinarily strong support to him in this struggle, offers a glimpse into what he's facing in the transplant in the following post. I know I speak for many readers when I say that we are with you in this struggle, Sandy and Susan; we wish you strength and courage in this ordeal, and our thoughts and prayers are with you! If only we could all magically be in Florida to lend a hand when you need us there! CR
By Susan Prisant
Yesterday it became real. I was choking just listening to an hour of horrifying instructions over the phone. You want to scream out: “Stop. No. I’ve changed my mind.”
But how can I? My husband will die.
The heart transplant coordinator is telling us every unpleasant detail to come, now that he has been formally added to the National Register for a double transplant. Things that you really did not want to know about.
There will be a comatose donor, nearly brain dead, and a family in agony. No goodbyes. No more life to share with them.
How will we face stealing a life that is no more, so my husband may live? Maybe.
While our minds can’t help but wander to these ethical, life-and-death issues for a split second, the heart coordinator continues on through her list. And what she tells us:
The phone will likely ring in the middle of the night, waking us from a deep sleep as we begin the final phase of this latest medical odyssey. Frightened for our lives together, there’s not time to think. We absolutely must get to the hospital within four hours.
We’ve never been big believers in telephones. We’re notorious for just letting calls go to voicemail. Our argument was unassailable—we never ever missed an offer of a million dollars, an authentic call from Elvis or a Presidential appointment because we didn’t pick up the phone.
But not anymore. If we miss that one precious call for a donor that matches, that could be the ballgame. The difference between life and…
So we’ve now got to be packed and ready. And we must jump to answer every call.
Now she’s saying “so the first surgery will last ten to fourteen hours.” (10 to 14 hours??) And I’m immediately thinking: Oh my God…what will I do, waiting to hear?
But she’s still talking. When the surgery is over, she says, Mrs. Prisant you will see your husband connected to ventilators, monitors and more.
I’ve seen all this before with Sandy—twice now, but this time I will have to wait all alone. There are no more lifelong doctor friends around and no family. So there’ll be no one putting their arms around me; no one offering kisses and hugs.
And then, within 36 hours, the next agony will begin—the second surgery. The kidney transplant. That should take about nine hours more.
The coordinator is still reading all the rules and instructions. Not cold, but very business-like. Is she slightly detached? After all there are dozens of candidates who get this far and need to know these rules even though some will never get that transplant.
And every few minutes I can’t listen anymore. We’ve lived with this illness for over four decades, but none of it felt as daunting as this—after eight months of evaluation, we’re now facing hospital testing and blood draws almost every other day for weeks or maybe months after surgery.
This phone call is now becoming suffocating. Our throats are dry as we listen and grunt acknowledgment of each instruction.
And then, “Mrs. Prisant you have to get your own accommodations for the two weeks or more while Mr. Prisant will be in hospital. And then three days a week he will have to come back for checkups. You will be responsible for room, board, meals parking, etc. (She forgot about the cost of kenneling the dogs and other incidentals.) You stop listening to her for a second as your internal calculator starts throwing up big numbers. Very big numbers.
Having been through these near-death experiences before, you might think I wouldn’t find this overwhelming. But it’s almost a year now since Sandy has been so sick. And all those months since we started the grueling transplant evaluation.
It tells you all you need to know about the saga we are enduing to learn that on the very night, December 28, 2011, that we got the very good news -- my husband formally went on the National Transplant Register – we also had very bad news: he was ordered back into the hospital for kidney failure problems.
Hope and heartache. Hand in hand.
And that left me in a hotel room nearby. The next morning this very charming lady in the hotel café asked if she could share my table. Her husband was also in the hospital. It’s easier to talk with a stranger when they’re sharing similar pain. But Karen’s situation was different. Her husband had already been on life support and just died. Our pain was one. We held each other, no longer strangers. Two women sharing a moment of peace.
And then Karen stopped her story in mid-stream and made an astonishing offer. She learned slightly forward and said to me:
“Can I offer you my husband’s kidney?”
Writer Susan Prisant lives with her husband Sandy, and their two dogs, Dolce and Vita, in Florida. To read more of their writing projects, simply type their names into the Search function on MyStoryLives.