Yes, I DO BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE! I am writing this book as a way of healing. Healing myself and my history. HEALING my family, specifically two of my ancestors:
Clementina Ciucci,
my great grandmother on my mother's side. Who told her daughter, my grandmother, Michelina Rotondo, to vaccinate her firstborn son, Dante Antonio. The baby, a gorgeous nine month old, a blonde cherub, died. Writing that story a few weeks ago put me into unspeakable terror.
And Filomena Scrivano, my great great grandma on my father's ORZO side. Who had my great grandfather, Pasquale Orzo, out of wedlock.
What was it like to be PRESENT as FILOMENA SCRIVANO? The shame and darkness were so great that they appeared 150 years later when my cousin Donna went to the little town of Paola in Calabria in order to get Pasquale's birth record.
I woke up this morning feeling a darkness. Afraid. After meditating I decided to take a walk and my husband came with me. I was telling him about the challenge of telling the ancestors' stories. "If I'm going to tell their stories, I have to dwell in them, at least for a little while," I said.
"But why tell them at all?" he asked. I couldn't answer him.
We were sweating and walking fast. We were talking about the novel that we are reading together. BELOVED by Toni Morrison. Talk about a dark story. The novel is a riveting tale of the ghost of the child who is slated by her mother, a mother who wants to save her daughter from a life of slavery. What a dark dark story. But then again, so many novels are dark.
I try to stay away from them. But here I am now in the darkness of my own history.
When we got back to the house, I was dripping with sweat. And it was time to talk to Mary. So I asked her.
Why tell the story at all? And how does telling it help heal my ancestors or me?
Mary is always ready to say, focus on love and light and miracles.
Focus on the light that dwelled in your ancestors.
In the midst of all those difficult experiences they endured, they went on to have beautiful families full of LOVE.
You have a beautiful life -- you have a body you can go out and sweat and walk
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. BE GRATEFUL.
HOW BEAUTIFUL TO HAVE A HEALTHY BODY THAT CAN EXERCISE LIKE THAT
HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT YOU HAVE SUCH ABUNDANCE IN YOUR LIFE
LOOK WHAT CAME FROM YOUR FAMILIES
THIS LIFE YOU HAVE
YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS ARE THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS
THEIR LIVES ARE REDEEMED BY YOUR LIFE!
EVERYTHING THEY SACRIFICED FOR EVERYTHING THEY DID WAS WORTH IT
THEY CONTINUED TO DO EVERYTHING THEY NEEDED TO DO TO SURVIVE
LOOK AT THE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER JOCELYN YOU CREATED WHO IN TURN CREATED HER DARLING DAUGHTER DANI AND HER BIG BROTHER RONEN.
THE PAIN AND SUFFERING ARE ALL REDEEMED IN YOUR BEING ABLE TO BE GRATEFUL AND ENJOY ALL THE BLESSINGS YOU HAVE IN THIS PRESENT MOMENT.
YOUR ANCESTORS ARE ALL LOOKING DOWN ON YOU AND ENJOYING THE BLESSINGS WITH YOU.
RIGHT NOW.
I TYPED IT ALL UP. And finally I heard what Mary was saying. I started to feel her words and her extraordinary spirit and energy penetrate my heart and mind and I started to realize that I am healing myself of darkness by telling this story. I'm healing myself of all the darkness that I inherited from my ancestors. All the fear and pain that they carried. I feel it so strongly this morning, that my body wants to be shed of all darkness. That my body wants to absorb all the light of the universe and live in constant gratitude for the present moment.
I want to visualize the light from billions of stars coming into my head and heart. I want to be completely absorbed in that love and light and spread it around.
"Don't let your fear make you small," Mary says. "Let yourself have an extraordinary life. When you are open to miracles, as you are, then hummingbirds come and sit by your shoulder. And deer come up to you in the meadow and stare at you."
Just as I got off the call with Mary, my friend Kellie texted and asked how I was. And I realized that I was swept up in the light and love that Mary shared with me. And that I am ready to share this happiness with the world.
"But why tell them at all?" he asked. I couldn't answer him.
We were sweating and walking fast. We were talking about the novel that we are reading together. BELOVED by Toni Morrison. Talk about a dark story. The novel is a riveting tale of the ghost of the child who is slated by her mother, a mother who wants to save her daughter from a life of slavery. What a dark dark story. But then again, so many novels are dark.
I try to stay away from them. But here I am now in the darkness of my own history.
When we got back to the house, I was dripping with sweat. And it was time to talk to Mary. So I asked her.
Why tell the story at all? And how does telling it help heal my ancestors or me?
Mary is always ready to say, focus on love and light and miracles.
Focus on the light that dwelled in your ancestors.
In the midst of all those difficult experiences they endured, they went on to have beautiful families full of LOVE.
You have a beautiful life -- you have a body you can go out and sweat and walk
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. BE GRATEFUL.
HOW BEAUTIFUL TO HAVE A HEALTHY BODY THAT CAN EXERCISE LIKE THAT
HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT YOU HAVE SUCH ABUNDANCE IN YOUR LIFE
LOOK WHAT CAME FROM YOUR FAMILIES
THIS LIFE YOU HAVE
YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS ARE THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS
THEIR LIVES ARE REDEEMED BY YOUR LIFE!
EVERYTHING THEY SACRIFICED FOR EVERYTHING THEY DID WAS WORTH IT
THEY CONTINUED TO DO EVERYTHING THEY NEEDED TO DO TO SURVIVE
LOOK AT THE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER JOCELYN YOU CREATED WHO IN TURN CREATED HER DARLING DAUGHTER DANI AND HER BIG BROTHER RONEN.
THE PAIN AND SUFFERING ARE ALL REDEEMED IN YOUR BEING ABLE TO BE GRATEFUL AND ENJOY ALL THE BLESSINGS YOU HAVE IN THIS PRESENT MOMENT.
YOUR ANCESTORS ARE ALL LOOKING DOWN ON YOU AND ENJOYING THE BLESSINGS WITH YOU.
RIGHT NOW.
I want to visualize the light from billions of stars coming into my head and heart. I want to be completely absorbed in that love and light and spread it around.
"Don't let your fear make you small," Mary says. "Let yourself have an extraordinary life. When you are open to miracles, as you are, then hummingbirds come and sit by your shoulder. And deer come up to you in the meadow and stare at you."
Just as I got off the call with Mary, my friend Kellie texted and asked how I was. And I realized that I was swept up in the light and love that Mary shared with me. And that I am ready to share this happiness with the world.
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