Sunday, March 27, 2011

"The Journey We Take Alone" Part 3

Note to Readers: In a March 13th post on MyStoryLives, writer Alexander (Sandy) Prisant began writing what he said might be his final writing project. This past week, he was hospitalized (he's home now.) Meanwhile, his wife, Susan Prisant, wrote the following. Part II of "The Journey We Take Alone" appeared March 16th.

By Susan Prisant

When I cry at night there is no one to comfort me; he is my love and my lover, my confidant and comrade; he is my husband.

I married Sandy at 18; I love him deeply and took our marriage vows—in sickness and health, for better or for worse—to be a part of my life forever. We’ve been married for 47 years. Forty-seven years.

In 1995, the illness of a lifetime became very real and those marriage vows became the essence of my life. Sandy’s illness came to dominate my life. Sometimes we had a month—even six—of peace, tranquility, love and happiness.

New remedies. New treatments. Death knocking so insistently. But we always made it through together. For better or worse; in sickness and health—we always made it through together.

Along the way, so many doctors. For many the man I loved was a case study; for others there was, and still is, true compassion and genuine love.

Now Sandy is getting sicker; hours and days in hospital ERs and ICUs are stretching into weeks.

Sometimes we ask “should we stop fighting?” and the answer is always "NO!" -- because we can’t imagine not being there for each other. I want to cry, but never show my tears to him. I wash the floor and all the clothes; I want to cry but never show the tears. And there’s no one here to comfort me.

These words take me back to another, different loss. Callum McCallum was my four-legged best friend, until his death. Years have passed and I am still alone without him.

At the time, I wrote these words:

My best friend died last night. I want to cry, but he’s not here to comfort me. I wash the floor and all the clothes; I want to cry, but he’s not here to comfort me. I neatly packed all his things; I want to cry, but he’s not here to comfort me. My best friend died last night. I want to cry, but he’s not here to comfort me.

Now it’s my husband.

For all the fighting we’ve done for each other, there’s no one here to comfort me.

Writer Susan Prisant has created interactive reading and writing programs for children and wrote 8 children's books to use with these programs. The courses she led were sanctioned by the State of California and later she taught them on the East Coast and also, in the American School in Israel.



4 comments:

Dr. Mel Waldman said...

Dear Susan Prisant:

I just read the third installment of your husband’s diary that you wrote. Here is my response. Your piece is moving. It reveals your deep connection to Sandy, your husband of 47-years. And your words of loss and grief about the death of Callum McCallum are poignant. But you’re lost. There seems to be no one to comfort you. What can you do?
There is no right answer. But there are answers. Can you pray to G-d? Do you believe in G-d? Can you look into your soul and find comfort from your purest self? Most of us, I believe, never learned how to comfort ourselves. Buried inside your psyche is your ideal self-a spiritual self that is loving and compassionate and connected to the magnificent universe that nourishes us. Meditate and get in touch with this higher self. This part of you will nurture and nourish you. Like the Mother Earth, it will care for you.
Visualize that you are surrounded by loving people who will care for you and help you get through this life crisis. And while you’re at it, visualize that they will help Sandy too.
I don’t know you. But from your writing, I suspect that you are a strong person. I also believe that Sandy is strong and courageous. Now let go and allow others to help you and Sandy. They’re out there. Trust me, they are!

Dr. Mel Waldman
Psychologist
Director
Writer

Jo Bryant said...

Dear Susan,

As heartbreaking as your post was, it gave me great joy. My marriage was short-lived, unhappy, unsuccessful and I was left for many years wondering if the possibility of such love was reality.

These words:
My best friend died last night. I want to cry, but he’s not here to comfort me. I wash the floor and all the clothes; I want to cry, but he’s not here to comfort me. I neatly packed all his things; I want to cry, but he’s not here to comfort me. My best friend died last night. I want to cry, but he’s not here to comfort me.

They tell me that it is...

I wish you so many things, and will pray for you - but I wish you comfort in knowing what you have is amazing. THAT you will never lose.

Jacquie Clendenin (Prisant) said...

Susan,
I had no clue any of this was going on with Sandy... I would have been there for you even if Dad and Eric weren't. I wish you would have made some effort to tell us just how sick he is. I tried to email him through linked in... I don't know if you simply don't want to hear from me or if he's in the hospital. But I would really like an opportunity to have a relationship with you both. Since this is the anniversary of out loss of Eric five years ago I am in tears as I post this. I can't afford to lose another family memeber without having the opportunity to know them. Please, if you ever loved me, contact me. I love you both very much even if the love I have is just memories. jpclendenin@huff.com or 859-743-0994. I will be in Florida April 20th and would love to see you both.

Love,
Niece Jacquie

Megan said...

Susan,

You're post made me cry... in a very different reason. i saw the love and connection between you and your husband. The support you had for each other.. you were indeed lucky.. the both of you had a difficult journey but it's glaring that you had each other during those difficult times... i cried because you were blessed. For 3 years now with the man i love, i was in a relationship that i'm not sure if there's future for us. I don;t even feel loved.. i don't even feel the sincerity... i have someone beside me.. yet i feel alone. there's this man who could have show he cared but i feel as if no one really cares even if i cry a thousand times and not sure if all this tears are worth it. Be happy you had the purest love till death do you part...

Megan Torres